I’ve heard wheelchair patients talk about how they feel invisible. As a nurse and paramedic, I didn’t understand what they meant; then years later, I wound up in one myself. Guess what, they were right! When you’re up and walking, you may not realize how many times people bump into you. In a wheelchair, it’s even worse; especially when they fall into your lap!
Then there’s another side of the issue. Have family and friends just stopped inviting you to functions and such? Growing up Catholic, the visiting of the sick was a simple moral precept. As a member of a Baptist church, I was amazed at how much food we received when I first got hurt, and for every surgery. However. if we’re not talking about an event or something, how often do you get a visit or call? (In full disclosure, my church family happens to be very good about staying in touch.) I don’t know how single people with chronic people do it, myself. My wife is my true partner, my girls are my earthly joy.
Now the internet has made a difference, I’ll admit. However, look at it this way: Does your chronic pain sometimes make you feel like you’re in solitary confinement with internet capabilities? Have you had times when you’re not so bad, but there isn’t anyone around to celebrate? God made us to be in community, to have fellowship; how do you do that if you’re invisible? How about you? Do you feel invisible? Do you lack real friendship?
Sir Thomas -
ReplyDeleteI have to come back and read some more of your posts. I read this and thought of my wife. She often spends a lot of time indoors since she lost her job.
She has trigeminal neuralgia, which is unbearable face pain due to a nerve that is damaged. It comes and goes, but it comes often and is usually excruciating and wears her down physically and emotionally.
She doesn't feel like she can spend time out in the cold, which seems to be one of many triggers for the pain. This is extremely unfortunate living in Iowa with cold temperatures that hover around single digits.
I think she too feels invisible and that she can't relay to others what she's going through. I believe she thinks she's alone sometimes, even though logically she knows she isn't.
I do pray for her and for others, like yourself, that deal with these kind of problems. I know one day God will give her a new body and she will be pain free. Just pray that it wouldn't take so long here on earth and that God would heal her from this.
Right now, I think my wife and I help each other. Our church is great, but I don't think they understand. And my wife tends to pull away from them. It's difficult.
Don't have any real good answers, but sometimes just talking about it helps. Hope all is well with you and your family. God bless.
Dean
Dean,
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this. Your wife and you are both in my prayers now, God knows the path He has for you both and He is with you. I just want to let Him know that we are with you also!
Like you, I don't know that I have good answers either, but that's why I write. I hope to allow people like you and your wife to find this and know that there are others who do understand and go through the same type of ordeal. We won't be the same, none of us are; however to know that you are not alone can be a help in and of itself.
Dean, please let your wife know that many of us find chronic pain difficult and wish to just curl into a ball and hide. We want it to be over. Through my profile, you'll find my direct email and I invite you to email me directly anytime. I am also open to speaking with either of you via telephone if that would help also. Neuralgia is incredibly painful, and I can't imagine having it in the face; she has good reason to feel badly, not just feel pain. People generally don't understand and they don't mean to be absent; they just don't know what to do so they do nothing.
I hope some of this helps and I pray that you will continue to stop by and read with us. Our joint prayers will give each other great comfort, even if we can't see it happening. May God bless you both, may He heal your precious wife, and may the Father guide you through this journey.
Tom