Why now? I had my pre-op work done yesterday and it felt like it took forever. I haven't been up that much in quite a long time and I felt every minute of it. The way I am, I declined that anyone go with me, although there were several offers. When I am in really bad pain, I prefer to be alone and not see me like that. I'm sure that this is pride and God is still working on me regarding this. I am paying for it today, but I have accepted help from everywhere I can get it. Not my usual way of celebrating St. Patrick's Day. A Roman Catholic for forty years, I am not here to combat the issues with Protestants and their problems with Saints of the capital "S". Maybe next year in my genealogy blog, if God wills it.
Are you ready? Oddly enough, I'm more than ready today than ever before. In the last few weeks, God has taken me to new depths of pain, sickness, and that general feeling of helplessness. I still don't know if this surgery will be God's way of working in my healing or not, but I am going forward with it so that I can say that I truly went forward with the road laid before me. He can heal me with but His Word, or He may wish for me to continue as He did Paul (although I am NO Paul). However, I believe that this will be good for the family. The girls will have to pull together to help while I recover, and I will have to allow people to help me. Post surgery, I will look to get off at least some of my current medication after some time. I guess I am ready for whatever God has before me.
And what of this blog? I will probably be taking a few weeks off, please bear with me as I see how and when I can sit quietly, pray, and put words onto screen that make some sense again. I appreciate all your support and comments over time, either here or by email directly to me. I ask for your prayers now; not so much for me but for my family. Thank you for reading and I hope to be back soon, with more lessons on seeing those blessings in pain. A follower of the Way of the risen Messiah, Tom
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09 March 2010
Can We Really Boast in Our Weakness?
That's not realistic, is it? Well, it may not be humanly possible, but can we get there by grace? Paul speaks of a "thorn in the flesh", yet we are never told what that might be. We do know that aside from the Apostle John, all the other Apostles of Christ were martyred. We know further, that since the time of Nero, there have been those who have targeted Christians for persecution; this persecution goes on to this very hour. We have all heard the stories about miraculous cures, but what of the sick, mamed, and injured that don't get cured? Are they bad followers of the Way, or are they really made perfect in their weakness?
Well, are they? As a chronic pain patient myself, I can say that I sincerely do not know. Two weeks ago I wrote a piece called, "When Life Interrupts Pain". Although I pray that the Holy Spirit guide my writing, how could I know that it would be a prophetic piece? Since then, I have had an increase in my back pain, a skin infection, a sinus infection, an allergic reaction to the initial sinus medication, stomach complications, and finally intestinal issues with the latest medicine. All this and the news that I now have a date for surgery, the end of this month. The surgeon does not promise me anything more than the relief of my right leg pain, and maybe some back relief, but there is no assurance of that. As I lay in bed, doubled over with stomach pain, feeling like my whole body was a raw nerve caught between sand paper and steel wool, I cried out the questions we humans tend to gravitate towards, "Why?" and "What more?" Knowing full well that I would not get an answer to those questions, I tried to see how this pain and sickness could make me perfect. I couldn't find a way.
So you just give up? I guess it depends on how you look at it. I can't say that I gave up, maybe I did give in somewhat. To me, the difference is that I didn't want to wallow in the pain as much as just wait in it. If we are to be made perfect by our weakness, than all I have--all I am left with--is the trust in the Lord. If I really follow the Way, if I really trust in Jesus, then by faith alone do I wait until God is ready to show me what next. Christianity for me is the easiest and the hardest of faiths the world has ever been confronted with; how could God make it otherwise? How about you? Do you really feel perfect in your weakness? Do you feel strong when you are at your lowest? I'd really like to know how you deal with your pain and suffering.
Well, are they? As a chronic pain patient myself, I can say that I sincerely do not know. Two weeks ago I wrote a piece called, "When Life Interrupts Pain". Although I pray that the Holy Spirit guide my writing, how could I know that it would be a prophetic piece? Since then, I have had an increase in my back pain, a skin infection, a sinus infection, an allergic reaction to the initial sinus medication, stomach complications, and finally intestinal issues with the latest medicine. All this and the news that I now have a date for surgery, the end of this month. The surgeon does not promise me anything more than the relief of my right leg pain, and maybe some back relief, but there is no assurance of that. As I lay in bed, doubled over with stomach pain, feeling like my whole body was a raw nerve caught between sand paper and steel wool, I cried out the questions we humans tend to gravitate towards, "Why?" and "What more?" Knowing full well that I would not get an answer to those questions, I tried to see how this pain and sickness could make me perfect. I couldn't find a way.
So you just give up? I guess it depends on how you look at it. I can't say that I gave up, maybe I did give in somewhat. To me, the difference is that I didn't want to wallow in the pain as much as just wait in it. If we are to be made perfect by our weakness, than all I have--all I am left with--is the trust in the Lord. If I really follow the Way, if I really trust in Jesus, then by faith alone do I wait until God is ready to show me what next. Christianity for me is the easiest and the hardest of faiths the world has ever been confronted with; how could God make it otherwise? How about you? Do you really feel perfect in your weakness? Do you feel strong when you are at your lowest? I'd really like to know how you deal with your pain and suffering.
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