We Interrupt this Series for a Personal Update

I know I just started a series, "In Good Company", but I am having such a issue with a new medicine, I thought I would talk about that now.  The series is important to me, I even discussed my next entry with my ten year old who told me to go with both ideas.  Okay, not a lot of help there, but she was very interested and we had a good back and forth on the topic while we stayed awake.  She cuddled in with me after she and the rest of the family, sans dad, came back from a quick trip to North Carolina.  Me on my medication, and she tired from the day, we had a good go around, until we both fell asleep at some point.

That brings me to my medication changes.  For a while, and I believe I have written about this earlier, I finally stabilized my medication by using the Duragesic (Fentanyl) patch at 100mcg/hr with a 72 hour change, and to counter the side effects of sleepiness, which were mild, I use Provigil (Modafinil).  The Provigil is used with patients who have sleep apnea, narcolepsy, and others who have issues staying awake.  It works with the neurotransmitters.  All this, so I can take the Duragesic, which has been pretty good at keeping the pain down to an 8 out of 10. I also use natural items and medication for my stomach and bowels, but I'll leave that at that.

For those of us in pain, we know when there has been a change.  The little twinge, the pressure that wasn't there before, maybe the ringing in our ears is louder.  For me, I realized that for the first time, my left leg was involved.  Different than my right leg, which has had nerve pain since the beginning.  The right leg has had an electric pain, a heaviness, and a numbness that went all the way down to my toes, along with increased pain in my hip and back with the pressure of standing or sitting.  This has been since September 2004, ans is 24x7, never any relief.  The left leg was different, only recently, a slight electric tingling on the inside of my leg, with a small amount of numbness.  I knew it was time for some new tests.  My latest MRI, which I wrote about lately, has come back and according to the phone call I had, shows "obvious changes on my left side", and I still have my lumbar spine slid forward of my sacrum by 9mm.  In other words, my pain is up for a reason, and I now have no other choices.  I'll have an EMG in early November.

With this change, I need more pain medication in general.  Just trying to stand or sit, the pressure on my spine has been excruciating.  I've been put on a new one called "Opana" a little pink pill that has really done a number on me.  It's a good thing that I walk around the house with a cane, because I can barely make it six or seven feet without going to one side or the other.  Sleepiness has also been an issue.  Even with the Provigil, I am having a hard time staying awake, and keeping thoughts together.  (Let's just say how thankful I am for this laptop and a Word software.  If I had to do this long hand or with my old IBM typewriter, I'd have given up hours ago!) 

When I am on this medication, it is very difficult to control my emotions, and it almost always comes out as anger.  My girls, 15 and 10 see the change, and have said that there is a difference when my pain is up (like rain and increase in arthritis) and when I have problems with a new medication.  This Opana has been really difficult for me, and I have not been able to get in touch with the physician.  I know that for some, Duragesic has been a death sentence, literally.  Please heed a warning:  All of us with pain, who are attempting to deal with that pain or suffering by taking medication(s), must not be left alone.  We need people who know us, and can let us know when we are acting differently.  Sometimes we who are on the pills or whatever, don't see it soon enough, if at all.  For the family care-takers, make sure you're being heard.  There are times when the medication is much louder than anyone, or anything else. 

It is during these times when reading or writing can be near impossible, so it is important what you watch or listen to.  Moods that are being affected by medication are easily manipulated.  Of course, anyone who stays home with an illness or injury can tell you that with over 400 channels, there's still nothing on TV!  Music can sooth the savage breast. or it can rile us up; it all depends on our choices.  I myself have a few choices I can turn to when a new medication makes me sleepy and also, let's say touchy.  I can listen to sermons by some of my favorite pastors using www.sermonaudio.com.  This is a free website with thousands of sermons on it.  If I feel like I am in pain but cannot sleep, this helps me to focus on something other than that pain.  When that focus is on my faith, all the better.  There is also http://christianaudio.com/ which has Christian books and podcasts available, but mostly cost money.  They do have a monthly free book, and you can find them on facebook as well, which can give you a few more freebies!  Again, when I cannot read Scripture, listening to sermons or discussions on my faith can be ether calming or uplifting.  Either way, it is the Holy Spirit that can bring us the "peace beyond understanding:.  I also have a long selection of Celtic tunes & Christian hymns on my iTunes.  A combination of imported CD's and some bought music, and it can play along while I slip in and out of sleep.  Finally, if I don't feel badly, just sleepy. silence is okay.  We have three Boxer's and if I am just sleepy, they'll get on the bed with me and we will all take a nap.  Having my pups, and their snoring can be calming to me, I guess because I am not alone.  Granted, if you're not a dog person, this last one sounds like a nightmare, so feel free to include whomever else you have in mind.  My wife is currently out working.

My point should be clear by now, medication can be great but it is still chemicals in your body that do more than just what they are suppose to.  Our Lord is the Great Physician.  Only He knows why you are suffering, for how long, and what you will learn from this.  The answers won't come all at once, and medicine can mask some of the dialogue with our Father.  Allow for the time to go through this, take what you need when you need it, and use family and/or friends to help you along.  Even if I live to 105 years old (the age of my wife's grandmother when she passed on), it is still nothing compared to an eternity in His Kingdom!  My prayers are with all in pain and suffering, and with all who have it much worse than I.  May the Lord bless you and keep you.  As always, comments are the only way I know whether this is helping or hindering your healing.  Give it to me straight, I can take it!

*NB--I just got a text from an old friend who saw my facebook update and warned me about Opana, so apparently I'm not the only one who has had some issues on it.  Friends are a blessing, always.