Pain Free is NOT Intuitive, Part I

What exactly does that even mean?  No one has to tell you that you’re in pain.  You know it.  In fact, you’re the only one who does.  It’s the reason that makes the treating of pain so difficult.  It’s all subjective.  The problem really comes in when your intuition tries to tell you how to deal with the pain.

How is that a problem?  Because when it comes to our fight or flight response, neither is effective past the initial, “This burns, MOVE!” issue.  Once you are in anything longer than initial pain, your body doesn’t know how to cope.  Your intuition says to “Stop!”, but other than that, it’s pretty quiet.

Why is that?  By God’s design, pain is a physical response to some problem as perceived by our nerves or other senses.  A burn is felt through our sense of touch; it rides on the nervous system.  Now, think of the police use of a “flash-bang” grenade.  The brightness and loudness will stun a person, oftentimes causing pain in the ears and temporary blindness.  That type of pain comes through your eyes and ears, not just touch.  Even sadness, brought to a high level can produce a pain response.  The level of that sensation is different for everyone, all due to a myriad of variables, but still encompasses your whole being.  How then, do you know how much pain someone is in? We don’t.  Pain may not be able to be measured directly, but a pain felt acutely enough can cause measurable physical signs.  Higher heart rates, increase in blood pressure, either a decrease in breathing, or increased; that one depends on other variables, bit often it’s the former.  However you look at it, that’s the basics of feeling pain.

So here’s the big question:  Who do you blame for your pain?  Do you blame a person like a physician with poor skills, a bad driver, an attacker?  Was your pain caused by some environmental problem?  Did you do this to yourself?  Or, do you blame God?  He is, of course, a sovereign Ruler, do you blame Him?  Do you know that pain, and its companion suffering, are the main reasons for some people refusing to believe in an All Knowing, All Loving God.  “If I were god, I would never let people have pain or suffer”.  We’ll look at that next time.

Climbing Out of a Hot Summer

You've been gone a while.  I've been to summer school this past season, and I didn't even know I had failed a course!  As I worked hard to get on my feet after the surgery in March, once again my plans and those of the Lord were not exactly in sync.  

So, you stopped being Christian?  Not ever, not at all.  That said, I seem to need a reminder that my plans and ways are not the Lord's.  I'm not sure why I can't remember that particular lesson, but He has methods of reminding me.  This time, it has been the heat and humidity we've experienced in the Southern USA this summer.  For those of us who wear their medicine, via a patch, heat is a terrible enemy.  Open pores, sweating, higher core temperature, and even a higher heart rate are the worst, and this summer combined them into the perfect storm to sap the medicine out before it's time.  

Then, this weather is all about you?  Narcissist much?  That does sound a bit much, but not exactly what I mean.  My point is that when I began to heal and actually felt better than I had in months, years actually, I began to rely on myself and focused what I wanted.  That old self-reliance and pride took over.  Then the heat went up and I couldn't take my walks, or even exercise without having a problem with my meds; I became angry.  Look, I had plans now, I was going to get working again, maybe even back into the martial arts.  Right.  After everything the Lord did for me, how could I forget so easily?   Instead, I should have been thankful for the blessings the Lord had given me.  I just need to continue doing my part, leaving the rest up to the Father who has brought me this far.  So as my kids return to school, I hopefully return to sanity.  Lesson:  Do what I can, my Father in heaven will take care of the rest.

Making Up is Hard To Do

Isn't it "Breaking Up is Hard To Do?"  Only in song, my friend.  In life, it is the other way around.  In our sinful world it's too easy to walk away; just look at the divorce rate and the single parent statistics in the United States and you'll see just how easy it is.  However, making up is a whole different can of worms.  As I spend my days in pain, I wonder why there are times I have a hard time going to God in prayer?  Why are there days I feel separated and don't feel like I can approach the throne of God?  I have found that sinning is easy, but returning to God seems so hard.  What have I forgotten?  One of the most beloved and well known of all the parables of our Lord:  The Prodigal Son.


How does that help?  Because it is one of the most intimate portrait of the Father's love for us.  You remember the story.  The youngest brother of a wealthy land owner takes his inheritance (before his father is dead, mind you) and spends it on hookers, booze, and false friends.  After it's all gone, he is working in the worst place a young, Jewish man can find himself in; he's feeding pigs, an unclean animal, and they eat better than he does.  Here he realizes his sin.  Not just because he's broke, but because he's broken.  He knows that he wasn't just stupid with money, he was wrong to his father, his people, himself, and his God.  When he takes the long road back to his father's land, he only wants to be treated as a slave, he knows he isn't worth any more than that.  However, his father runs out to greet him.  He puts his son in a beautiful robe, puts a ring on his finger, and hugs and kisses him.  The father throws a huge party because his son, wayward though he was, came home and is back where he belongs. 

  So, making up wasn't so hard for him?  Not for the father, but the son was trying to tell his father how unworthy he was.  We are not told the son forgave himself right away, and we hear that the older brother even became angry.  Making up is hard for sinners.  I know,  I sin, and when my pain gets bad, when I feel like I should be able to do more than I can, I sin even more!  I get angry, I think I know more than God, I even want what I want without thinking about what God wants.  How could I possibly "make up" with the Father if I didn't have the words of Christ showing me just how much the Father loves us?  Like the prodigal son, I must first admit I am broken, a sinner.  Then, I have to confess that sin to my Father in heaven.  I know that nothing I do will ever make up for what I have done, or do.  If not for the cross, for that saving grace of Jesus; ordained by the Father, how can I have a relationship with God?  I can't.  

So why is it so hard for you?  Because I don't deserve it.  Because like the prodigal son, I don't expect it.  Because I can't forgive myself.  How can God, who is all Good, all Loving, forgive my filthy, stubborn sin?  Because He's my Father.  He gave me life, and wants me home again.  Can anything else humble a man more than being loved when he doesn't deserve anything more than to feed swine as a slave?  Throughout the entire Bible, we see the love of God in action, but for some reason it took this story in Luke to bring it home for me. If this is how my Father in heaven wants to embrace me when I confess and repent, than who am I to stay with the pigs?  Making up will always be hard to do for those who cannot forgive themselves.  Is that what God wants though?  Was the cross only for some sin?  No.  We must be obedient in all ways and run to our Father, broken and discouraged, and he will clothe us and hold a fest for us.  I guess making up isn't really that hard to do!

Pain and Temptation; The School and the Lesson.

Why are the two connected?  As someone who has experienced terrible pain, and then has had the grace of most of that pain released, I can now see that pain can be a shield to some temptations and yet a highway to others.  For instance, when one is in great physical pain, then many sexual temptations can typically go out the window.  However, having such intense pain can lead one into a desperate search for any relief, which could easily lead one into idolatry of some kind.

So being in pain is no different from not having it.  Actually, pain is more like going to a school you don't like, and it depends on how well you study your lessons.  When I was in pain I had a large amount of time to be in the Word and in prayer.  This did keep me away from many temptations, but obviously not all.  I was able to develop great empathy for others, those hurting physically, mentally, or spiritually.    However, shortly after having my surgery I found that empathy waning quickly.  During one of my morning walks, I became keenly aware that without the acute pain I was now just as tempted to quickly judge others as I was before my injury.  In an instant, all the stories of the ancient Israelites wandering in the desert made sense.  When we read how they were a "stiff-necked people" who continued to grumble against God, we have the tendency to say, "How could they bicker and complain so quickly and easily after God brought them out of Egypt?"  Now I see exactly how they were able to sin so often.  It's the human condition of our sinful heart which seems to have a shorter memory than my mind (which would make that very short).

Then having pain doesn't teach us anything.  That depends on us.  See, God may allow us to have different pains or illnesses.  Often times, that causes us to call out to Him in a very real and deep way.  He in turn, gives us the grace to deal with our afflictions.  Now, this is where we either take that education to heart, or forget it at the first sign of relief.  The first lesson to learn is:  if we think we are beyond temptation; we are not!  That would be an illusion!  Sometimes we feel we've gone past a certain point, that what was once a temptation has been defeated and now it can no longer be a concern for us.  Not true!  We can, and are, always tempted by things familiar and strange.  If we do not hold on to the lessons learned while we are in our weakness, then we are doomed to repeat our mistakes.  What a waste!  

Don't make my mistake; remember to start everyday with His Word and in prayer by praising, thanking, and worshiping the Father, confessing our sins and putting on the armor of Christ.  In this way, we can fight off the evil one, who goes about like a roaring lion.  I'll take the Lion of Judah instead!  What about you?  Have you wasted an important lesson from the Lord like I did?  Let's use this to make each other accountable.

When Was Jesus at His Strongest?

Sounds awfully close to blasphemy, isn't it?  I fully adhere to the fact that Christ was fully God and fully man, but I still ask the question: at what point did He show His greatest strength?  Was it His miracles or His teachings that showed His greatness?  When was Christ at His absolute pinnacle?  

Is there a reason for this inquiry?  It came to me when I was speaking with someone who was in a terrible state.  Recently coming to Christ, he is still having some difficulty coming to terms with his newly diagnosed, debilitating (and permanent) illness and other problems plaguing his life.  He is, however, searching for his answers in Scripture and prayer.  As we spoke, I asked the Holy Spirit to guide my words, to say something that would help this new brother in Christ.  The Holy Spirit then gave me a thought:  it was after the arrest of Jesus that Christ showed His deep strength.  When He was beaten and bloody and nailed to the cross, as He hung by His hands and feet, naked in front of all his persecutors and only a few of his followers, Christ was not weak.  Jesus could have called a legion of angels down from heaven and the universe would never be the same.  Instead, He was obedient to the Will of the Father, showing immense strength and honor.  As He was also fully human, can we possibly imagine the strength it took to keep from calling out in anger and pain, to stick to the Father's plan?  When Jesus could not move, could not preach in parables, could not heal the sick, make the blind see, the deaf hear, or dispel demons; it is here that His mighty strength is seen like at no other time. 

How does this help us, or this guy?  The fallen world sees strength first as a physical attribute, then as a mental or moral kind of thing.  Those who reject the Christ cannot see strength as acceptance of another's will because they cannot fathom acquiescing to a Creator they will not know.  However, through the willing acceptance of His death on the cross, Jesus demonstrates that it is in following the Will of the Father that we can be at our absolute strongest.  When we accept our weaknesses, when we rely on God and take the time to listen for the Holy Spirit to speak to us, it is then that we can be used by the Father in ways we cannot even imagine.  Therefore, we can see our inabilities as God's gateways.  Remember, when we cannot, God can.  

God blessed me greatly when He allowed a physical limitation with debilitating pain to afflict me, because He has also granted me the grace of a new understanding.  Only now, after my own experience, can I better understand Paul's statement in 2 Corinthians.  In verse 9, God answers Paul's request to remove a "thorn in his side" by saying, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness".  Although I wouldn't wish my pain on my worst enemy (and I have a list), I also would never give up the experience and grace I have received from this disability.  My God is sufficient for me, how about you?

I'm Back, Looking Back at a Better Back, and Forward to Blessed Back!

That's a lot of "backs", did the surgery go well?  I have only God to praise that the surgery, which only two years ago I was told would be a disaster if I went through with it, turned out as well as it did.  The very day after surgery, I walked about fifteen yards with a walker, and totally without the nerve pain that has plagued my right leg for the last five plus years.  There was a part of me (my imagination) that wanted to run down the hall crying out, "Thank God!  He is my salvation!".  I guess in some ways we should always feel like that, but when we experience a level of grace of such magnitude, we are once again reminded of all that He does for us.

But wasn't it the surgeon that did the work?  Why must you bring God into this?  It is true that the surgeon that performed my operation was well qualified and experienced, but don't forget that all manner of things could have gone wrong while I was under the knife.  You see, for those of us who are witnesses to the Lord's goodness, we can see the divine intervention that the Hand of God works in our lives; and we have to proclaim that.  


So you're calling this a miracle?  You're going to be 100%?  As for the miracle part, all I can say is that two years ago I was told that I would have to live like I was.  I was told that nothing could be done, and that if I found someone "to cut on" me, it would only make matters worse.  Now that I have had someone cut on me, I'm doing great.  As my doctor put it, my nerve was caught between a hammer and an anvil, and he took away the hammer.  Yes, he took a pretty large chunk of bone off my spine, then used some of that bone, titanium rods and screws to seal the deal.  This morning, I walked 1/2 a mile.  Before the operation, I couldn't think of walking any fraction of a mile.  I'm doing some exercises that before the surgery were impossible for me.  So is this a miracle?  I don't know.  I know that I'm better than I was, better than I hoped to be.  I still have pain, but it is much different than I've had before, and there is less of it.  Maybe we toss around the concept of miracles too easily, or maybe we want them to be more grandiose; I believe that without God's help I wouldn't have gotten this far.  As for whether I'll be 100%, the doctor doesn't think that will be possible, and I don't either.  Although, here again, I leave that up to God to see how far I will go.  I'm looking forward to what this journey leads to next.

A Personal Note on My Up-Coming Surgery

Why now?  I had my pre-op work done yesterday and it felt like it took forever.  I haven't been up that much in quite a long time and I felt every minute of it.  The way I am, I declined that anyone go with me, although there were several offers.  When I am in really bad pain, I prefer to be alone and not see me like that.  I'm sure that this is pride and God is still working on me regarding this.  I am paying for it today, but I have accepted help from everywhere I can get it.  Not my usual way of celebrating St. Patrick's Day.  A Roman Catholic for forty years, I am not here to combat the issues with Protestants and their problems with Saints of the capital "S".  Maybe next year in my genealogy blog, if God wills it. 

Are you ready?  Oddly enough, I'm more than ready today than ever before.  In the last few weeks, God has taken me to new depths of pain, sickness, and that general feeling of helplessness.  I still don't know if this surgery will be God's way of working in my healing or not, but I am going forward with it so that I can say that I truly went forward with the road laid before me.  He can heal me with but His Word, or He may wish for me to continue as He did Paul (although I am NO Paul).  However, I believe that this will be good for the family.  The girls will have to pull together to help while I recover, and I will have to allow people to help me.  Post surgery, I will look to get off at least some of my current medication after some time.  I guess I am ready for whatever God has before me.  

And what of this blog?  I will probably be taking a few weeks off, please bear with me as I see how and when I can sit quietly, pray, and put words onto screen that make some sense again.  I appreciate all your support and comments over time, either here or by email directly to me.  I ask for your prayers now; not so much for me but for my family.  Thank you for reading and I hope to be back soon, with more lessons on seeing those blessings in pain.    A follower of the Way of the risen Messiah, Tom